If Only

image from here

So lately Slice has been telling me abut his parenting plans.
Every time a child acts out in our presence (mostly when they disobey, talk back or throw tantrums), he tells me “Our kids won’t do that. Our kids are going to be AFRAID of me. They will be glad when I leave the house.”

He is ridiculous, yes, I tell him at least once a day.

We’ve had many a discussion about our parenting philosophies, most of which end up with me laughing at Slice, because he thinks he will be an iron fist. Whatever.

But a couple weeks ago as I recorded papers for an English teacher, I found myself fantasizing about policies I would enforce:

"If your FULL NAME is not on your assignment, you will NOT be getting a GRADE. We are in HIGH SCHOOL, people. Not kindergarten."

"Cell phones will not be tolerated. If you think you can't live without it - TRY ME."

"Seven pages is nothing, you pansies. Try twenty-five."

"You all know what PERFORATION is, right? Most notebook paper is now perforated so you can turn in a nice, neat, lined paper. If you rip it out, I will be throwing it away."
(I really hate those messy edges.)

"Do not even think about swearing in front of me."

Iron fist, you know?

Too bad that would never really happen ... I'm too much of a push-over.
(Don't I know it.)


Fig said...

Dude. You think it's all fun and games with the joking discussions about corporal punishment, and then next thing you know you're actually about to become parents and WHOOPS, turns out he wasn't kidding. And then you have to spend six straight months talking him out of the belt.


(I so would confiscate students' cell phones.)

Jean said...

For me it will also mean (at least) six months of talking him INto breastfeeding.

But that's another topic for another day...

Fig said...

That gets a double-you-tee-eff(??!!) from me.