Do not walk anywhere quickly. In fact, don’t do anything quickly, except maybe drive.
Speak loudly and carry a big drink.
School rules – especially dress codes – are more like guidelines. Keep them only if you want to.
When a teacher sends you to the library to take a test, that is the perfect time to cheat. Because the library aide would NEVER turn you in!
Spelling (correctly) is not important.
Always park between parking rows, not in them. That way no one can get out or around your fat ugly truck.
Dirty dancing is so fun!
Reading is lame, and politics are for the simple-minded.
Say “like” as much as possible, like, every other word, like, if you can. Even in interviews.
Also in interviews: swearing makes a great first impression. Before introducing yourself, make sure to let a couple cusswords loose. This shows how intelligent you are.
YOU CANNOT LIVE WITHOUT YOUR CELL PHONE. NOT EVEN FOR FIVE MINUTES. YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT ULTRA-IMPORTANT TEXTS YOU MIGHT MISS.
Procrastination is the only way to go.
When it’s the end of the year and you can’t check out books anymore, just take them! No one's watching you (not even the cameras), so you can totally get away with it.
High School is so hard.
“Life’s all about fun! Rock on!
But don't try streaking through the school, I tried it and it didn't really work.”
-next year's Student Body Secretary
(See how much I’ve learned already the second time around?)