Friends & Family

Over the weekend, Slice and I finally met up with Lu and Dustin over some pizza. It was so fun to catch up (and talk about Asia, of course). Don't you love those friends you can see after months or years and it's like you were never apart?
Friday and Saturday we attended funeral services for my Dad's younger brother, who was killed in an electrical/gas accident in his kitchen almost two weeks ago. His daughter (my cousin) is my age and had a baby the day before I did, his first grandchild. A darling little boy.
The services were sad but nice and quite well-attended, a great tribute to my sweet Uncle. I learned just last night that JetBlue paid for the entire funeral and burial, as well as roundtrip flights for my Aunt's siblings to come from England and Germany (my Aunt is originally from England, also a 10-year JetBlue employee). How awesome is that? Makes me want to fly JetBlue from now on.

Saturday we stopped to see Slice's Grandma in SLC and show off our child. He is certainly blessed with a lot of people who love him.
(So are we.)


Three Weeks

My baby is three weeks old!

Last night we took some pictures of him- they turned out well considering it was our first attempt. He was surprisingly cooperative (that helped!).
I'll post more once we get our computer/internet up and running...

Anyway, isn't he beautiful?



Last weekend was the annual American Petroleum Institution golf tournament, Ki and I took pictures again.
I'm pretty sure Liam is still punishing me for the two days of neglect.

But hey. Now I have nothing planned for, oh, the rest of my life.
How about that?



Two years ago, I married this guy.

He doesn't know that I found these self-portraits on a memory card from months ago, fell in love with them, and was just waiting to post a couple. Here's another look at the man of the house. (For the first one, see here.)


>remembers everything I say and repeats it back to me (that is the woman's job, no?), and
>makes me laugh just when I am determined to be angry with him.
So annoying.

>Is obsessed with wax. Especially candle wax.
>Still obsessed with Youtube.
>And his iPod Touch.

>Has two things on his playlist: Phantom of the Opera and Glee.

>Says things like
"What if our kid comes out Asian??"
then tells me not to repeat them to anyone.
(Yeah right.)

>LOVES Lawry's Season Salt. It's a family thing.

>Loves his baby.

(And while we're on the subject, I hoped the baby would inherit his:
>cooking skills
>excellent taste in women.
Time will tell.)

Happy Anniversary/ Father's Day love!


The grass really IS greener on this side

This mama is one happy girl.

Firstly, my baby is an angel. He sleeps 3-4 hours at a stretch, which means if I feed him and put him down around 11:00 at night, he usually wakes up only once before 7:00. Once!
So far, he only fusses when he needs something: food, diaper change, burping, sleep. He loves his carseat and will sleep in it even if he's hungry, as long as the car is moving. AND he makes funny faces when he falls asleep (or wakes up) - providing us with endless entertainment.

Yes, we know we're spoiled, and no, you can't have him.

Secondly, I have my body (mostly) back! I can walk! and wear my own shoes! and clip my toenails! and sleep! and breathe! now. It is a wonderful thing. I admit, I miss the kicking every once in a while. But not the bathroom trips.

Thirdly, Slice got this camera for a great deal and it is awesome. We play with it pretty much every day. And .... now you know why we've started taking more videos than pictures, and all the pictures of Liam are terrible quality.
Not to worry, this will be remedied.


unfinished business

I have several posts that have been sitting in drafts for weeks now ... this is not one of them. They'll get posted sometime (maybe).

Our bedroom is mostly finished now. The baseboards are in and pictures are on the walls. But, I'm still going to move the pictures and put some more up and possibly move the furniture around again. So here's a video of what it looks like now:

The wall color was supposed to be a pale grayish-green. Well..... it looks white in the morning, beige all day, and green at night. Go figure.

(Yes, Slice was lying about "ready to come home from the hospital" - he took this is right when we came home. Please excuse the giggling.)


Where there's a Will, there's a Way

This post has been haunting me.
I have so much to say and no way to say it, so many feelings I cannot comprehend - much less describe - that it has been overwhelming me day and night. I am in a different world than the one I lived in a week ago.

I need to tell the story, for him and for me - and for you, if it makes any difference at all. If not, that's fine too.

I had plans for this birth. After years of listening to my mother, aunts, sisters and friends, months of reading and planning and praying, weeks of childbirth class (which I was grateful for), this is what I had:

Plan A - Water breaks and labor progresses quickly. I don't need Pitocin or an epidural, I can handle the pain as long as it doesn't last too long. I am walking/moving/standing for most of labor and delivery, finding what works best for me. I am well-rested and fed before going to the hospital, snacking when I need to, also I don't tear much.

Plan B/C/D/ - Water doesn't break on its own, I may have to be induced. But I'm pretty well dilated and it still goes quickly. I hold out as long as I think possible before getting an epidural (at least until I'm at 5 cm) because really, I don't want those drugs in my baby. I sleep when I can and eat the snacks in my bag ... we take things as they come.

Worst-case Scenario - However labor starts, it doesn't progress because my contractions don't seem to make a difference. (Just like over the last FOUR MONTHS.) My body's not quite sure how to do this whole thing. The word "Posterior" comes up.

So on Memorial Day my family drove up Uintah Canyon for a little picnic near the river. On the way Lana was asking me how big I thought the baby was. "Pretty big," I replied. "Not that I have a frame of reference or anything, but I feel like he's at least seven or eight pounds. That's my guess anyway."
That evening, Slice and I picked up around the house and snacked and talked. He gave me a blessing, and at midnight we climbed into bed. He was promptly asleep.

At 12:05 my water broke. I woke Slice and got up, headed for the shower, giving last-minute instructions and otherwise trying not to freak out. We packed the last few things in the hospital bag, ate a little bit (NOT ENOUGH), wrote a note for Angie, and stopped by the golf course on the way to the hospital.

We checked in about 1:30, I was not even dilated to a 2. I laid in bed for a couple hours hooked up to the monitors. No change. We walked for over an hour and sat for two more; after I took another shower a nurse braided my hair for me. My baby wasn't moving, so the nurse put me on a water drip after giving me a second IV. (I may or may not have eaten some fruit snacks to get him moving again.)

At 7:00 I was a 3 and "still thick." The Dr. came in to explain that if I didn't progress, I would need either Pitocin or antibiotics to prevent infection. (I already knew that.) My contractions were quite hard but not frequent enough - 5 to 8 minutes apart instead of 4. They just weren't working yet.

By noon I was only a 4, and they started me on a low dose of Pit. I cried for the first time. For the last several hours I had been getting up for every contraction because I couldn't bear to sit through them. I was shaking from lack of food and sleep. Although the Pit wasn't supposed to start working for about an hour, my contractions picked right up. I stood and shook for a while before I finally told Slice I needed something to help with the pain. The nurse gave me something that helped me relax; I slept between contractions and ate about half a banana.

At 2:00 I was shaking and crying again, in a lot of pain. Knowing what was ahead just made me despair. I was at a 5 when the nurse called the anesthesiologist in. I had maybe another hour of rest before the back labor hit.

For the next four hours I breathed and hummed and cried, squeezing Slice's hand, as the back labor intensified. My baby was posterior and the epidural wouldn't help with back pain; there was nothing anyone could do. No matter what Slice tried, no matter how I tried, I could not calm down or stop shaking.

My mother came in at the end of transition. Beforehand I wasn't sure if I wanted her there, but oh how I needed her when she came. She held me and cried with me, reminding me (only by her presence) that she had gone through the same and worse - for ME.

Before I felt ready at all, the nurse announced it was time to push, and called for the doctor. I tried to push as I was instructed - no instincts here, apparently - but every time I pushed the pain got worse afterwards. I tried and tried, apologizing for the tears. Everyone told me I was doing great but I knew they were lying; he wasn't coming. The doctor tried the suction cup over and over. I could not get him out.

Near the end, Slice tried to encourage me by reminding me we were going to get a baby out of all this. That didn't help me at all. My motives were selfish: get me out of this pain. Also by this point I was GONE. I wasn't hearing what anyone was saying or seeing faces anymore... I was just there, pushing.

I pushed for about 45 minutes before I got fed up and kept on pushing, after contractions and without contractions. I didn't stop. After what seemed like forever (and some cutting and tearing), my son was born. It was 5:54 PM.

They laid him on my stomach for a moment, for an eternity. Nothing in this world can prepare you for that. I stared in wonder, Slice cried. A piece of heaven came into that room for Slice and me to love forever.
And now I'm crying as I write this. Oy.

My baby was 8 pounds 3 ounces, perfect and healthy and more beautiful than any newborn I have ever seen. He eats and sleeps and grins, every once in a while. He didn't come the way I planned, but he came just the same. He shall be known as Liam on this blog - just because I can.

He is mine, and I love him.


Daddy's Debut Post

You know Rae has told me I could post anytime I wanted, but I haven't had all that much to say until recent. Thats right I finally have something worth saying. This is my tribute...... not to me being a father (which I have waited for my whole life), not to my new son, which by the way is way cuter that I expected (Morgan babes aren't the cutest things right at first), but to my dear, beautiful, ever under-appreciated, lovely, Companion, Wife, & Best Friend.
Oh How I Love You!
Now I understand the love you have.

More of liam