Why else would Slice and I, poor newlyweds, have the chance to go to JAPAN for a month? Sure, it's smart to travel before you have kids. Sure we were able to do it cheap because we're young and don't "need" hotels, tour buses, restaurants, or real beds. We could change plans at the last minute (several times); go wherever the wind blew us.
Still, there had to be a Reason. I believe in Reasons.
Plans.
So I've contemplated for five long months just what the reason(s) might be.
Will we adopt a child from overseas someday? Find a job in Japan, live there for months or years? Return in four decades for church service? Will I write a book inspired by my travels in East Asia? (Ha.) I'm open to possibilities.
Obviously, it could take a long time for any of these Reasons to make themselves apparent, if they do at all. But something important has already happened.
I'm finally ready to settle down.
(Bear with me here....)
(Bear with me here....)
I've worried for years that I might be unhappy as a stay-at-home mother. I've yearned for travel, post-graduate schooling, a mission; wondered why I married so early. Practically until our Japan trip, I was bitter about not being able to serve a mission.
No longer!
I learned some things in Japan (and the subsequent six weeks).
I learned that I love my bed and my food and family and my jobs - and most of all, my husband.
I am so happy to be eighteen-months-married and looking forward to the birth of our first child.
I admire the missionaries who devote 18 / 24 DIFFICULT months of their lives to serving others and the Lord. Nothing can replace those experiences, I know.
I am grateful for my University degree and everything I have learned in school. I'm grateful for the skills I gained, even if I'm not using them right now, because they have made me a better person.
I'm grateful for the chance I have to be a mother. I love this little dude inside of me.
My husband is going to be the greatest father in the world. I can hardly wait to see it.
All of this to say,
I am content.
That is a real miracle in itself.
I remember you worrying about that soon after you started dating D. So glad that wound, or potential wound, quickly and fully healed. :)
ReplyDeleteI hope it lasts. My ideas about stay-at-home-mothering vs. conquering the world are very cyclical. And that's okay. It doesn't have to be one or the other, and there's no guilt in wondering anyway.
ReplyDeleteBut I'm glad you are here now! And that there were good Reasons for your trip besides just to make everybody else jealous.
You are going to be an amazing mother, and I know that you will always receive more for the "sacrifices" in life. Things certainly do not always end up the way we plan them. Your son will be amazing and will LOVE all of your traveling adventure stories, so make sure you've kept a good journal. :) Maybe you've gone all those places just for him. I cannot wait to meet him!!!
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