Liam

over the weekend

Still much more to do.

Time for a new post

I'm sick of looking at the old one.

Emily, here's a picture for you:

Let's pretend we took this on Mother's Day

And here's an update.

Thursday we went to Salt Lake to see my dear Brittanie get married.  It was a beautiful sealing, my favorite ever besides my own.  I think there were at least ten people crying by the end.  And Brit looked lovely, and I am so so happy for her I almost cried myself.
The day was also fabulous because we had no kids.   We ate at Siegfried's, strolled around City Creek and walked through Tiffany & Co., H&M, and Swarovski. I felt like I was back in Vienna on Kärntnerstrasse.  (Only this time I actually have money.)

Friday Slice and his brother trenched our yard for sprinklers.  We ran into some difficulties, as you can always expect to with house projects.  But the project is well underway and should be finished by Wednesday - then we just have to get our grass growing again.
Our house is the greatest source of discussion these days, since we aren't planning to be here for too much longer.  We refinanced a few weeks ago (hooray!) and gained $5000 on the appraisal - I know, this doesn't mean much - but our game plan really depends on long-term decisions, i.e., if we will sell it or try to rent it out when we move.  How much money should we put into it?   What are our top priorities?  How much longer do we stay?
Hard to know.

Tomorrow is Memorial Day, which means my Liam is turning two this week.  I don't have anything planned yet.  Hey, at least I already have his presents.

sometimes

I was telling Slice last night that I don't know if I need a kick in the pants or a week in bed.  Or a higher dose of Synthroid.  Maybe a combination of all three?

I've got a to-do list a mile long (not to mention 10 lbs. more than a year ago!), two babies and a house to take care of, and sometimes I don't feel like doing any of it.  Sometimes I don't even want to walk out my front door.  I call it lazy, but actually it scares me a little when I get to that point. 

There have been two specific "worst" times the laziness has happened before: when I had strep for six months and right before I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism.  Every time, though, I wonder if everyone feels like I do and they just deal with it.  You know, working moms who train for marathons on no sleep and take meals to needy families while homeschooling?  Young fathers who do school and work, both full-time, while filling demanding callings and doing home improvement projects?

Is everyone tired all the time but they do stuff anyway?  Do they want to do the things they do?  Do I have a mental illness?  

Am I making excuses?

Seriously.

Sprinklers

We need new sprinklers.

Our existing system is messed up (as in, previous owners must have paid their teenage nephew to put in the cheapest system possible)  (drip systems all over the place!), and it would be more work to fix it than to put in a whole new one.

But the two quotes we got from local businesses came back around $6000.

SO.

I spent a day taking measurements and drawing up a map of our yard, so we can put new sprinklers in ourselves.  Fun fact of the day: Our house is only 26 feet by 35 feet!  How about that!  Just in case you were starting to get jealous.

We sent in the map to get a sprinkler plan.  Then we started thinking about the massive trees that are taking up space in our yard.  The ones that have been mangled by bad tree-trimming and 50 years of who-knows-what.  The ones that drop hundreds of small sticks a week onto the lawn, and millions of samaras a year onto the neighbors' lawns.  The ones that hardly put out any leaves anymore.

And if the trees are coming out, they should probably come out before the sprinklers go in, so we called for a tree removal quote.  It came back around $3000.

..... Anyone want to start a landscaping business?  I feel like there's money to be made.

M-Day Round 2

Oh hey.  It's been a while.  We've been pretty busy.

I survived Mother's Day this year, maybe even enjoyed it, because I'm in such a better place than I was a year ago.
For starters, last year we were unemployed homeowners with an 11-month-old and a new pregnancy (which was still a secret).  I was scared and tired and stressed and angry.

This year I was comfortable.  Comfortable with my mothering, comfortable with the decisions that Slice and I have made.  Comfortable in our finances, in our house and ward and family.  Comfortable in my own skin.


Plus, Slice got up with the babies and let me sleep in.

And MG ate the leaves off of my roses.

Cheese

The video is from six months ago, when Liam was still an only child ....

he has other shirts, I promise.

For Lu: The Baby

So I've had a really hard time writing this post.  It should be titled "Welcome to Parenthood: Where Nobody Knows What They're Doing."  Because, seriously.

You have a baby now, it's overwhelming and life-changing, and I've heard it gets easier - but I haven't been there.  So I wouldn't know.

You might let your baby cry herself to sleep from the day she's born.  You might never let your baby cry herself to sleep.  Either way, you wouldn't be alone.  I've tried to be somewhere between the extremes ... but who knows? maybe that's worse!

Everyone will give you advice and none of it will be the same.  Generally speaking, though, here is some of the best advice I have been given.

First, words of wisdom from my mother:  "Your job is to raise your children so that they don't need you."

If you ever find yourself a slave to your child, something is wrong.  Obviously newborns need their mothers. But as they get older, you should be teaching them to be independent, even if it's in small ways.  I nursed Liam exclusively except for the bottle I gave him once or twice a week, just so that he would take a bottle.  You need some leeway - for a temple trip, a night out, or just a few hours alone with your husband.  Take steps to make that possible.

(Binkies are another touchy subject.  Personally, I think they can be a lifesaver for the first few months when you are SORE and your baby just wants to chew on something.)

(Also, put your kid on the floor sometimes.  She won't like it but it's good for her.)

Second, a paraphrased gem from a "sleep expert": Don't project your own emotions onto your baby.

Babies cry when they are hungry, tired, uncomfortable, etc. If you can figure out what they are telling you, the communication becomes more effective, and your baby will cry less.  

When we project our own emotions on them (she thinks I've abandoned her! she's scared! lonely! resentful!), we are the ones who suffer most.

Third, an acronym about baby schedules from my sister-in-law: EASY

Eat - Activity (play) - Sleep - You time

This way you feed your baby when she wakes up, and put her down when she gets tired.  It should eliminate sleep crutches like being nursed to sleep. I haven't done the best job of implementing it though....

Finally, the best advice I think I've ever seen, coming from Pinterest a few weeks ago:

I think this sums it up nicely. You are this child's mother.  You are entitled to receive inspiration on her behalf, whatever it may be.

Don't forget that.

Girls

On the first day of sixth grade I was standing nervously in line, waiting for Mrs. Hageman to come and collect our class from the curb.
A girl I had never seen before came bouncing up to join the group.  She slid into line and waved her mom away, confident enough to take on a new year - in a new school - alone.
I've never forgotten the impression I first had of her.


Yesterday I called this girl from my fancy Google phone.  We talked for nearly two hours - the longest phone conversation I've had since I was dating Slice long distance. (And before that, probably middle school.)

We used to talk about friends and school and boys that never noticed us; book reports, debate speeches, e-mails, Mock Trial. We made ridiculous commercials and went to Classic Skating and Star Wars I and Hale Center Theater together.  Then I moved away.

(This picture proves that she was the prettier, less awkward friend. My hair?)

Now we talk about babies and husbands and jobs and houses, and how hard it is to not have control over our lives.  Now she's the one talking to her daughter while we're on the phone, like I used to talk to my younger siblings.

Now we are wondering how to raise our own daughters to be strong, confident, compassionate women.

It really got me thinking.

Thinking about the women in my life who have helped me, changed me, taught me, in so many different ways.  

Thinking about what I want my daughter to learn, from me and other people that she trusts.

Thinking about the kind of friends I hope she finds, friends she can talk to and look up to and stick with in an increasingly harsh world.

Thinking about her life as a woman, the trials and heartbreaks that will certainly come her way; the woman that I hope she becomes because of them.

The woman that I want to be for her - and anyone else who may be watching.

And I'm just thinking about how lucky I am, to have the mother and sisters and grandmothers, aunts, church leaders, neighbors, friends that I have always had.  The men that make our sisterhood possible.

We really all need each other, you know?

So ... thanks.  To all of you.  For being a part of my life.

tempting fate

I turned off word verification for like 3 days.  Got 10 spam comments.
Sorry, the word verif is staying.