Quarantine

First: a snapshot. They call them "Quarantine Time Capsules" these days. W

I usually wake up around 8:30. Today it was 7:40 on the dot, thanks to an earthquake - yet another aftershock of the bigger earthquake that happened 2 weeks ago (which also woke us up). The epicenter is far enough from us that I haven't felt most of the MANY aftershocks, but I did feel this one. Hooray.

I make breakfast, we eat and clean up and start on school work. Emma gets right to business but Will takes some coaxing. Lex does whatever she wants. George needs entertaining elsewhere, or he'll be a distraction. We grab school lunch most days and try to fix it up at home.

Afternoons are full of screen time, playing outside, finishing up school, naps (for me) and occasionally piano. I still teach piano lessons once a week. Mom reads picture books  over video chat several days a week. Some days we play Boggle or have an adult chat, but not often enough.

If Slice is working, he wakes up in the late afternoon and gets ready to go. I make dinner and we eat about when he leaves for work (6:00ish). Then we clean up, read, listen to music, have scriptures and prayer, and finish the bedtime routine.

After the kids are in bed, I go downstairs to work. I've been teaching VIPKID classes from 9-midnight for 4 months. Sometimes I'm booked solid, but lately I've had gaps to fill with TV and laundry folding. I don't usually get to bed or sleep until after 1:00 a.m.


The days are long and all the same, honestly. I try to get the kids out a few times a week to a trail or a drive or something new. We have a picnic on some grass or drive to a new area. I grocery shop once a week and try to make it count. Slice works anywhere from 3 to 5 nights a week ... we have nothing else going on, so there's no good reason not to.  He's making more money than he has in 4 years. I can't complain, especially with so many people out of work right now.

We've waited every day for symptoms of COVID to appear, ever since that first call a months ago:"Your patient's test came back positive." Since then we've asked each other every few days, "Do I have a fever? Is this it? I can't smell the cinnamon rolls." Any ailment the kids have could be IT. It's exhausting joking about this.

We've talked about what to do if/when things get really bad. Does Slice not come home? Does he sleep in a tent in the yard or garage? Do I go to Roosevelt and isolate for two weeks before seeing anyone there? Some people have taken these extreme measures ... maybe they won't seem extreme in hindsight.

Gas prices are down; the oilfield is floundering. Our house won't sell anytime soon. We lowered the rent for April knowing how bad things are out there. We certainly don't want to be carrying two house payments.

So, we wait. And wait. And wait.

To Begin Again

Once upon a time I kept a blog. It was steady, in a "I write about whatever I want to" kind of way, and I enjoyed a lot of things about it.

Then Facebook and Instagram and smartphones and network marketing and branding happened in the online world, and I couldn't/didn't want to keep up. Also 4 babies and huge body/brain/family/life changes happened. I went from reading and thinking and writing real posts to snippets, photo captions. I rarely sat at a computer.

There's nothing inherently wrong with what happened in my life (or in the online world) but I do still, always, miss writing. I wrote letters and emails regularly for 20 years, and notes to family members for 5 years before that. Then my paper trail disappeared. I want it back.

So now that everything in the world has changed - not just metaphorically, but literally - I think it's as good a time as any to come back here.

Emma turns 8

My dear Emma,

Your birthday is always a tender time for me. I remember the circumstances of your birth so clearly - our young family working through tough times, my determination to make your birth a better experience than Will's, the wonderful fulfillment of that wish, the overwhelming feelings I felt afterward. I was in awe of my own capabilities and the miracle of life; in awe of you, my first, perfect, baby girl. I carried these feelings throughout the Christmas season, reflecting on Mary in particular and her sacred mission to bear and rear the Son of God.

Eight years later, I feel these feelings more than ever. My perfect baby girl turned into a T1D warrior.
Last December we realized what was happening in your body, learned what it meant for your future. You submitted to poke after poke after poke. You checked your own blood sugar 5 times a day. You learned to use your carb ratio and correction charts. You got up in the night with low blood sugar and took care of it by yourself. You got a Dexcom and begged for a pump. You started talking about the resurrection as the day when you'll be cured.

We've walked this road together, sharing some incredibly difficult days and nights. This trial has made you even more sensitive to others than you were before. You are considerate, caring, bright, responsible, and creative. Your thoughtfulness, gratitude and fortitude have been a huge strength to me over this last year. We're learning and growing and getting better together.
I am again, always, in awe of you and grateful for you in my life.

Love,
Mom

Will is nine!

My Will,

You are nine! Not so little anymore. You've started playing baseball this year and loved it. We loved watching you play. You had a great 3rd grade teacher and made the best friend you've ever had - Jude. It's been a good time of life. You're old enough to go play on your own, having late nights and riding bikes through the neighborhood. Any time we talk about the eventuality of us moving, you've been very vocally opposed. You don't want to leave your friends or your wonderful school, ever.

You carry the weight of being the oldest, I know. We've had a lot of change this year with Dad working three jobs and taking classes, Mom teaching from home, Emma being diagnosed and learning to live with Type 1 Diabetes. I've relied on you to help a lot - especially at meal times - and you have done so (mostly) cheerfully. You want to help dose Emma, but I don't see her letting you do that anytime soon. 😉

Right now you love baseball, swimming, friends, and drawing your own comic strips. You also love staying up late at night and will offer to do anything! if I'll let you. You'd spend most of your time playing Minecraft, Clash of Clans, or any other video game if you could. But you can't.

More than anything else, you love making people laugh. You've discovered a talent for this in your classes. It's becoming a challenge to keep this special talent from becoming a burden to your teachers. We hope to channel/direct it in the best ways we can.

We love you and have loved watching you grow! Halfway to 18, my boy!

Love, Mom

George turns THREE

My dear George,

I can't believe my baby is three. It's been three years since you arrived so unexpectedly to our family. You are officially a "big boy" now, with a big boy bed and sleeping in your underwear.

You like to sleep anywhere but your own bed. You choose where to take naps, so sometimes it's under Emma's bed, sometimes it's in Lexi's bottom bunk with a fort built around you, sometimes it's in Will's or Emma's bed. I'll let you nap anywhere - as long as you sleep!

You are the light of our family. You make us laugh, you're everyone's favorite. We cheer when you wake up, hold you when you cry. Will and Emma are especially protective of and helpful to you. They rush you to the bathroom whenever you need. They help you find jackets, socks and shoes when you want to join them outside. They read to you and play with you and love you so much. You are lucky!

You've become quite a chatterbox (like each of your siblings did at this age). You have so much to say and talk about. I love hearing what is going on in your little head. You ask the WHY questions and "WHEN will we go to grandma's house?" questions, not really understanding the answers. It is endlessly entertaining.

You love Paw Patrol and any show the other kids are watching. You also love Thor with a mighty passion. You get scared of animated villains but not the live-action superhero bad guys?! You like to direct photos of yourself whenever the camera comes out. "Mom, take a picture of me doing this. And this. And this. And this. Now can I see them?"

You love snuggles, back scratches from mom, and tickle-kisses. We are so blessed to have you. Love you so much.
Mom

Lex is 5!

Dear Lex,

You are five years old! You are dying to go to school (and you've been ready for it for ages). You are reading some, writing a little, and you are my little social butterfly. You want to be playing with friends every second of the day.
You are very loving and affectionate. You want kisses and hugs multiple times a day; you sit on the laps of your primary teachers anytime they will let you; you'd sit on MY lap all day if I let you! (I don't.)
If I picture you in my mind, I see you galloping everywhere you go, bossing everyone around. You like to tell people what to do - so when you play with other younger or more pliant children, you get along wonderfully. When other kids don't do what you want them to, then we have problems that result in yelling and screaming and crying from all parties involved. It's exhausting for me.
You're SO smart, as every teacher of yours has exclaimed to me. You finish sentences for your primary teachers, expound on stories in class. You have so much to say and do!
You're brave and tough and your pain tolerance is higher than any of your siblings'. You've had a hard time watching Emma get so much attention for her Type 1 Diabetes that it's become something of an obsession. You talk about Type 1 Diabetes ALL THE TIME. We've told you to stop (it seems morbid) but I imagine this is a fixture of our lives that isn't going anywhere.
I'm excited for you to start school this fall! I think it will be everything you ever dreamed  it would be. But I'll miss you when you go.
Love you so much,
Mom

Emma 7

My dear Emma,

I'm in a delightful stage where I'm starting to realize what everyone means when they say their daughter is their best friend. You have been my right hand man for over a year now, and I often think about what a gift you are to me.

You like to be clean and organized, you love your brother George with all your heart. You've been sharing a room with him, and I know it's not always easy, but you won't have it any other way. You still read to him and help him with things and comfort him when he's sad. He bear-hugs you when you get home from school, and when he wakes up from naps. He misses you anytime the two of you are apart.

You LOVE fishing, roller skating,  writing, drawing, any arts & crafts you can get your hands on. You've started attending Up With Kids, where you take lessons in singing, dancing, acting, etc.

You've become quite the organizer. You like order and calm, and usually complete your chores without complaint. You're turning into fantastic reader and great student - even better, your teachers can't tell me enough about how kind and patient you are. You've been attending speech for over a year, working on your stutter, and you've been patient through it all.

You love weird things (fish, sushi, asparagus, grapefruit, baked potatoes) but hate the most commonly loved foods (donuts, cinnamon rolls, quesadillas). You've gotten better at trying new foods. You are quirky, sometimes zany, usually kind. You are fun to talk to and be with. We've recently watched Princess Diaries (1 & 2!) and you giggled through them. I am really enjoying watching you grow up and become your own person. (You're still MY person too, right?)

Love you tons,
Mom

Will at 8

My Will,

You are eight years old, the age you've waited for as long as you can remember. It's been a very exciting time and a lot of planning has gone into the events of the birthday week. Memorial Day (when we went for the first time, and also bought Lagoon season passes!), Last Day of School, Birthday, Baptism. You've been pretty mature about it all.

You have thrived in Kaysville. Any time someone (usually Lex) mentions moving somewhere else, you protest mightily. "I'm in the best school in the whole world! We can't move until after 6th grade!" We've tried to be pretty open about our future and the possibilities and unknowns. It's been quite a year for us. We moved to Kaysville, spent a summer traveling, started school, lost a job, Mom and Dad both got new jobs, and Dad started taking EMT classes. We've started talking about money a lot. You've taken on more responsibility with chores and helping out at home. You have been left "in charge" for short stints of time.

You love Minecraft, Legos, Star Wars, and graphic novels. You also like to eat noodles, rice, bread, tortillas ... basically anything beige, and not much else. You requested a chocolate-chocolate birthday cake, and you got one! Your favorite people are Derek and your Dopp cousins. 

We expect a lot of you, especially your dad. He helps you with homework and studies spelling. You two love to watch fail videos on YouTube at bedtime. You love to laugh and have started "pranking" people and trying to be funny in class. I see a lot of your dad in you!!

We love you lots and have been proud of your choices. You have so much to give. I hope to help you learn how to shine.
Love,
Mom

Georgie Porgie

Dear sweet George,

You are two! I'm excited because you have such big things ahead of you - talking, potty training, moving to a big bed. I'm sad because that means, for the first time in nearly eight years, I won't have a baby. You've already been in a crib longer than any of your siblings....we always needed the crib for another baby by now!

You are the joy and entertainment in our home. You make us laugh all day long! Emma adores you and entertains you in the morning while she is home. The two of you read, play, take baths, clean up, and watch TV together. Sometimes Emma even gets you dressed and changes your diapers! If you're hurt, she tries to make it better. She is the best big sister and you are lucky to have each other.
Will thinks you're the most hilarious thing on the planet, and laughs at everything you do. Occasionally it makes you mad, but usually, you love it. You make funny faces and whisper prayers (if you even whisper!) and threaten injury with your sword or pointing finger.

Speaking of swords - they're your very favorite thing. Any object that resembles a sword is used as a weapon. Even wheelbarrow handles!! It's crazy and endearing. You're the sweetest boy around, but once you have a "sword" in your hand, you become a terrifying warrior. You are a boy through and through.

You love me more than any of your siblings did at this age. You hate it when I leave even for a minute. You follow me around the kitchen asking, "Hug you me??" And how can I resist?? You climb into bed with me for snuggles. You let me carry you back to bed after you fall asleep in the car. You ask me to sing "Tuppence" at bed time or read "one more."

You adore your grandparents - still - more than any human I've ever seen. You light up when any of them are around, or even on a phone call. You were ecstatic when Grandma slept at our house one night; you were ready to snuggle up and sleep with her right on the couch!

We can't imagine our lives without you Georgie! I'm so excited for the years to come!

Love,
Mom

Lucky Lex

Dear Lex,

You are four!! You've been excited for this day for months. And really, it's hard to believe you're just barely four. I'm not the only one who thinks you act older - your nursery leaders, primary and preschool teachers do too. Pretty much anyone who interacts with you can see how mature you are.

You've grown SO much in the past year. You started preschool, the last seven months of which have been at HeadStart. It's a long time away from me, 4 hrs/day, Monday--Thursday, but you love it so much I have a hard time keeping you home. So you get up and dressed every morning with Will, head out the door around 8:40, and I pick you back up at 12:45. Afternoons are spent with me while George sleeps.

The most dramatic thing that's happened to you since we moved last summer was the switch of your HeadStart teacher. You grew to LOVE Miss Kylie and when she announced that she got a job as a kindergarten teacher, you cried for hours. You still see her at school and give her hugs (you'd kiss her too, if she let you).

You're loving and affectionate, giggly and fun, as well as incredibly smart! You started reading a couple months ago after Miss Kylie suggested I start teaching you some phonics blends. You've picked it up quickly so far, and I'm excited for you to start discovering the joys of reading on your own.

Sometimes you tell me that you miss our old house. We have frequent conversations about how our lives are different now than a year ago. No chickens, less time with grandparents, a smaller house and yard, more time with Matt & Kim's family. Most of the time we're happy with the changes.

I love how enthusiastic you are about life. You want to see, hear, touch, eat and experience it all. Right now you have your own room - and we all sleep better at night, because you don't have anyone to talk to! You're a good big sister to George, and usually play well with Will and Emma one-on-one. But when someone crosses you, the whole family knows about it.

We tell you every day how beautiful you are! I wish I had your gorgeous curls! I feel like they define you and I hope they stay forever. You are so special, Lex. We love you.

Love,
Mom

The AIP

FIRST, SOME BACKSTORY.

Ten years ago, when Slice and I were dating, engaged & newly married, I got really sick for a long time.  After six months I finally went to the doctor, confident that I had Mono. He tested me for strep, it came back positive immediately, he gave me antibiotics and sent me on my way.

A few years later I felt sick again - I was having dizzy spells, my hair was falling out in handfuls, and I could barely drag myself out of bed in the morning. I went to the same doctor and had him check my thyroid. He was surprised by the results, hypothyroidism. He put me on a dose of Synthroid and sent me on my way.

Since then, I've been watching my thyroid die slowly. Every couple years (or, more likely, every pregnancy) I get bloodwork done and have to increase my Synthroid dose. I WAS diagnosed with Mono (i.e. Epstein-Barr virus) a few years ago, and I've had positive Strep tests every year. In the meantime, I did lots of reading. And I think it's all connected.

This leads me to ... the AutoImmune Protocol. I saw it mentioned many times over the course of my online research. The theory is that autoimmune disorders are caused by inflammation/imbalance in the gut, which is caused by our diets. Many people with autoimmune disorders report a reversal or relief from their symptoms after cutting the most inflammatory foods (gluten, sugar, dairy) out of their diet. To take it one step further, if we cut out ALL foods that can be harmful to the gut, restore gut health, and gradually reintroduce the harmful foods, then we can figure out what is causing the problem in our own bodies.

The AIP diet cuts out ALL grains, dairy, eggs, sugar, nuts and seeds (and many spices derived from those seeds). It also cuts out legumes (practically every form of bean) and nightshade vegetables (tomatoes, peppers, etc.). 

The "yes" foods are fruits (in small amounts), non-nightshade vegetables, fermented foods, healthy fats (avocado, so much coconut), seafood, and meat (organic grass-fed when possible). Also honey and organic maple syrup, in very small amounts.

I've been wanting to try the diet for a long time, and finally bit the bullet in January. I'm shooting for 30 days in the elimination phase. AIP doesn't prescribe an elimination phase period, they just say "wait until you feel great!" before you start reintroducing stuff.

PREPARATION.

I bought the book The Healing Kitchen in January after going through a bunch of AIP cookbooks on Amazon and reading all the reviews. This one seemed like the most practical for me, since it includes meal plans, shopping lists and recipes "with 5 ingredients or less for people that hate the kitchen." Perfect!  

Before I started, I ate like I was dying. Ice cream, pasta, my best homemade whole wheat muffins & waffles, cookies, wienerschnitzel and apple strudel from Siegfriend's. I ate so much that I was sick of it all, literally. Then we made a trip to Whole Foods and bought the weird foods that I couldn't get at my local stores. We were a sight to see - three grumpy children, me consulting my list and Slice looking for things that we'd never even heard of before.😐You can imagine.

Now I'm on Day 10, and feeling pretty good. Noticeable changes:

• Daily mild headaches (maybe not from the diet) 
• A few days where I didn't need a nap
• One full day of upset stomach (again, could've been a bug and not the diet)
• Fewer regular stomachaches (I've been getting them after almost every meal for months) 
• Breaking my sugar addiction! This is huge. I've relied on it physically and psychologically for so long
• Lifting of "brain fog" - this is hard to explain to someone who hasn't experienced it, but Hashimoto's often brings a brain fog that, to me, feels like depression. I don't always know that I'm in it, like a fish doesn't know it's in water. But it's real, and I feel like I may be climbing out of it.

Other notes: SOOOOOO MANY DISHES. I'm cooking 3-4 vegetables and at least 2 meats a day, in addition to feeding my family their normal foods because there's NO WAY they would all eat the way I'm eating. No way we could afford it, either. I have to shop a couple times a week, my fridge is always completely packed, and non-sugary desserts just don't seem like dessert. I like my treats, OK?! I've scoured Kaysville & Layton looking for carob powder (the chocolate substitute I can have), to no avail.
Gonna have to go back to Whole Foods.

Emma turns 6

Emma Grace,

My very favorite thing about you right now is this: "Mom, what can I help with?"
That pretty well sums you up; you ask every day. You're so helpful and caring and responsible, I forget that you're only six. You play with George. You fetch things. You help me clean and organize and even cook, always cheerfully. I'll tell you how grateful I am, but I don't think you'll understand unless (until?) you have your own very helpful daughter.

You had another exciting year. We changed everything about our lives when we moved from Roosevelt to Kaysville. Our Battistone cousins moved far away, which you frequently lament. You graduated from preschool, lost your first tooth (that seemed really early!), and started Kindergarten, which you LOVE. You're reading well - tested high enough to get invited to a special advanced program in another school. You started going to speech therapy in school to help with your "disfluencies," AKA stuttering, so we've had something to work on. Most importantly, you have a great heart. You watch for other kids who need a friend, and then you become that friend.

You also started taking karate. I tried to persuade you to take dance, tumbling, or something else, but when you heard that Will was doing karate, there was no talking you out of it. Maybe it's a phase (Lego Ninjago?), maybe you'll stick with it forever and become a master. We'll see.

You love to laugh and joke with Will, play tea party with Lex, and try to boss George around. You're a dedicated artist and would draw/paint/color your life away if we'd let you. I'm constantly picking up, throwing away, or deciding to keep pages of your artwork.

We've had some hard and stressful times over the past year. They'd have been harder if we didn't have you around. 💖
We love you so much, Emma.

Will's 7th

Will,
I'm writing this much after the fact, but don't think I just forgot. Our lives have been unbelievably crazy in the last year. In August of last year, your dad left for DevMountain. You started 1st grade and, to be honest, it was a rough start. You didn't want to go to school, you cried often and never wanted to do homework. It was a hard transition and having Dad gone all during the week didn't help. Your teacher was very kind and understanding, and over time, you made some good friends and changed your attitude.
Dad finished bootcamp in November and god a job in March. It was far away, so he was gone again, and we had to move. We started packing up and preparing ourselves for the big change ahead of us. You weren't really sure what "moving" meant. Then AFTER we moved, we went back to Roosevelt to finish the last week of school and clean out the rest of the house.
After that, we drove to Cedar City and you stayed with Grandma and Grandpa Morgan for a few days while Mom and Dad went hiking to Havasupai. You had loads of fun, and when we were done, we all went to the Aquatic Center for your birthday adventure.
We haven't had much money to throw around for a while, but we've had lots of time together and lots of love. You are brave and strong and we love you for everything that you contribute to our family and lives. Excited to see what the next year brings!
Love,
Mom

Living in Limbo

For some reason, anytime I've taken a blogging hiatus I feel the need to explain myself (EMILY)  (KIANA), so, here's my explanation this time around: I've been in limbo.

Major limbo, like don't-know-what-the-next-month-holds limbo. Where-will-we-live. How-long-until-the-bank-account-hits-0. What-should-we-do-with-the-house. Which-possessions-do-we-sell-off-first. What-is-life-even-about limbo.

Sorry about all those hyphens, but I think you get the point?

And I've been through some stuff in my life, and now I know that the very worst thing in the world (for me) is NOT KNOWING. And not being able to plan anything because of the not knowing.

But this time, even after all these months and all these questions, I knew things were going to work out. I've felt almost like a spectator on the sidelines, waiting to see what happens in this game. I know we're going to win - so it hasn't even been a real nail-biter.  

Isn't that amazing???

Now, this is where we're at.

After a full year, countless applications, at least eight interviews, and many nights apart, Slice got himself two job offers in 24 hours. And we had to make a decision: stay or go? Stay in Roosevelt and keep this house, our cars, our side jobs, our security? Our entire lifestyle? Or go out on a limb?

We chose the limb.

George.

My dear, sweet George,

We've reached a year with you!! Your first birthday was as low-key a birthday as we've ever had in this family (partly because you're in a full leg cast) but you are as low-key as they come, so it was fitting. You've added a precious element of calm to our family, and I am so grateful for you and your sweet spirit. As I've told anyone who would understand, "I finally got a Type 2!"

Your dad and I have had many questions and varied reactions about your name over the last year, and since I haven't yet written it down, I thought I'd tell that story.

Long ago, when I got the ultrasound to tell us if you were a boy or a girl, I brought Will & Emma with me.  They sat in the chair and watched as the tech showed your different body parts, and finally we saw the one we were waiting for - "It's a BOY!"
Afterward in the car, we called Dad on speakerphone to tell him the news.
"What should we name him?" I asked.
"George!" said Will, without hesitation, and I laughed. It was a totally random thing for him to say. No one uses the name George anymore, I thought to myself, and I didn't plan on doing it either. I don't even know any Georges in real life. So, I logged that away.  We picked out a handful of other good names and waited for you to come.

Months later, you were born. Your birth was incredible! I felt in control through the entire labor, and once you arrived I was ecstatic. We called and texted family, even though it was late. Grandma & Grandpa Eddington came to see you right away; so did Grandma Morgan.

The next morning, congratulatory texts started coming in. "Anna and I both think he looks like a George," T.R. said.
"That's weird," your dad and I said.
Then Kiana came to the hospital to see you. "He looks like a George," she said.
"What the heck?!" your dad and I said.

Seemed like a pretty strong message.

But I didn't want to name you George! I looked up the Etymology of the name ... Farmer; Earthworker.  Not as romantic as I'd hoped. We kept going over the other names we had picked out, trying different combinations ... none of them really fit. You really did look like a George, and the more we said it, the more right it seemed. It still took us 2 days to give in. You were George. George Thomas Morgan.

It was really nice of you to tell us your name, and nice of you to come early and small and (relatively) easily. You've been nice to me your whole life, except for those few weeks of sleepless nights when we were never home last summer. I forgave you for those.

You love everyone, but especially your siblings and your Grandma Eddington. You love the car, and strawberries, and music, and nearly-hot bottles. You also love the bath and the toilet and banging any cupboard door you can find. We chase you around and you chase us right back. You are my sweetheart. I love you.

Mom

Lex turns 3

My Dear Lex,

You turned 3 today! It's been three whole years since you joined our family!

We had a princess tea party today with your friends at Grandma's. It wasn't your first choice (that would have been Angie's house with your "best friends" Dannica and Lydia), but it was great anyway. Your birthday presents are pretty indicative of the stage you're in - magnifying glass, bubbles, princesses, ponies and tea party sets - and you loved everything you got.

The last year has been hard on all of us, but probably you most of all. You became a big sister, stopped taking regular naps, and when Dad was gone for weeks at a time, your insecurities manifested themselves in the middle of the night. You spent many nights in my bed. You don't like to be left behind, by me or anyone else. You're old enough to play with Will & Emma now, and old enough to get your feelings hurt when they don't want to play with you. It's hard being the third wheel.

Still, you are the most delightful thing around. You're beautiful and smart and playful and loving and hilarious. Everything you say is funny. Especially "dee" instead of "the"... I'll be really sad when you stop saying that.  Every Sunday in Sacrament Meeting you choose someone to go sit with (usually Emma Forsyth, because she's your favorite) and everyone else is jealous. You are the best entertainment.

We love you so much, Lex. We can't imagine our lives without you. I can't wait to see what this year brings!
Love, Mom

Emma's 5th

Dear Emma,

It's your fifth birthday!  Five years since I first saw your beautiful face. That was such a the great day.

You've done so many fun things in the last year.  You started tumbling, broke your arm trying to do a tuck-jump, and bawled after the final tumbling performance when you didn't get to participate. It was devastating.  You also started reading, and you've picked it up really quickly. Grandma tells me you always have ALL the answers during preschool.

You are becoming my right hand! You've been so helpful with George since he was born. You love to feed him, hold him, play with him, and watch him in the bath for me. You even help change diapers with a little supervision.

This summer was full of fun - trips to Twin Falls, Cedar City, Aspen Grove, and Lehi - lots of time with Dad around. Fall was harder with Dad gone for 3 months. You were a trooper though, and rarely the problem child, when there were problems.

You've had lots of time with Lex in the time since Will started first grade, which has been both good and bad. Lots of time to play, lots of time to fight. You're learning how to push buttons and manipulate others into doing what you want ... oh joy!

You're as strong and feisty as ever.  You DON'T like to be wronged. You can handle yourself with other tricky kids, and we chuckle at your reactions when you get hurt by something. (It usually includes a grunt-scream and a "That's why we shouldn't __________!")

We love your freckles and the cute gap between your front teeth, your singing and dancing and art skills. You are turning into such a beautiful young lady!  We love you!

Love, Mom

the money

Per Slice's repeated requests I've compiled a post about our finances.  More specifically, the things we've done over the last few years to create financial peace in our marriage & home. We've learned a lot about finance and personal habits, human psychology, etc. as we've gone through this process. I'll tell you right up front that the most important thing is communication, communication.  I don't know why people are weird about talking money, but I wish it weren't so. I'd love to change it. Being open about money could eliminate SO many problems in relationships.
Without further ado....

1. The first thing we did was to pay off all our outstanding debt.  At the time, we had a car loan and some credit card balances. Slice was also changing jobs, so we took the retirement $$ he had saved from the previous job* and cashed it out. YES we had to pay taxes on it.  YES it was worth it to pay off every debt (aside from the mortgage).

2. Canceled our credit cards and resolved to pay cash in the future.

3. Refinanced our mortgage.  We were paying on a typical 30-year loan and wanted to put more of our income into the house. The loan rates were great: we refinanced to a 15-year fixed rate. Some people say to just make double payments or an extra payment a year on the 30-year, but I really like seeing that interest amount cut drastically. Just makes you feel better about where your money is going.

4. Emergency Fund. We took Dave Ramsey's advice and gradually stashed away 6 months' expenses. It took many months, especially as we sold & bought a house (draining our savings for a good-sized down payment) and then sold & bought a car. Actually we bought two cars, the second one cost almost $10k; we waited to buy until we could pay cash and still keep some in our fund.

5. Cars. I basically had to let my car pride go.  A car gets you from Point A to Point B, and everything beyond that is just a status symbol. AKA Pride.

6. Winning in the Margins, or "make money everywhere you can." Slice and I have added income via photography, firefighting, trading stock (true story!), music/golf lessons, painting, etc. We rented out our basement several times, to different people. Slice is always looking for ways to make money. I love that about him.

7. Budgeting. We are NOT the best budgeters, I'll say that right now. Basically all we ever did was sit down and say, "Where did our money go last month?"  But even that was better than nothing. We could at least see where it went and what we could do to make it work for US, rather than the other way around.

8. Cut the crap. Oh so much financial trouble could be avoided if we all quit buying things we DON'T NEED. Minimalism for the win! I've never been a product person or an "I need the latest trendy home decor and seasonal clothes" person, and I was raised on a lot of food storage. So, we buy things in bulk - case lot sales, Costco trips - we eat mostly at home, and we don't buy clothes unless we actually need them. I could probably save even more by frequenting yard sales and thrift stores, but I've never set aside the time for that.
In this same category I'd add DON'T watch those "product deal" websites. They may save you a little here and there but I guarantee you're spending more money over time just by following them. I don't even look at Amazon deals anymore, so I'm not tempted to buy things I don't need.

Those are the basics. I doubt anyone has questions or comments for me, but if you do, hit me up! I love talking about this stuff. Obviously.

*Side note: Retirement savings is great!! Put away as much as your company will match! We've cashed ours out twice (which is not the goal) and it has come in very handy.

since u been gone

Parenting solo has given me many opportunities for self-examination. Inventory, if you will. And in that spirit, I give you a list of things I am NOT good at.

Food things. All the food things, I truly hate them. Planning food, shopping for it, bringing it in, putting it away, pulling it out, cooking it, fighting with my children as they refuse to eat it, cleaning it up. If I could just do dishes and no other food stuff, I would be a happy mom.
This is why Slice does real cooking and we're not as well-fed with him gone.

Adulting. Most obnoxious, yet totally fitting, word for all the things I always procrastinate. Making appointments (and keeping them!), getting tires rotated, buying chicken food, replacing lightbulbs, calling babysitters. Calling anyone really. I get by surprisingly well without doing many things that I'm perfectly capable of. Maybe I have low-level anxiety? High-functioning depression? Maybe I'm lazy, or I'm a Type 2/4 who avoids forced interaction with people. Who knows.

Cleaning regularly. I have a printed cleaning schedule hanging in my kitchen that has not been followed ... at all. Since George is done nursing, I'll be better about my household duties, but it's hard to motivate myself when I know it'll be undone in a day. And no one but myself will even see my effort.

Doing anything regularly. (Except naps.) Slice and I have had this conversation about a million times.
Slice: "The kids need to do jobs every day. You shouldn't be doing everything."
Me: ".... but it's easier to just do it myself."
Slice: "And Will has to do his homework every day."
Me: ".... but homework is dumb."
Slice: "Wouldn't your life be easier with a schedule?!"
Me: .........

I'm doing pretty well with laundry though, I'll have you know.

The Drowning

It's been three months since my last post and I'm just now feeling like I'm getting the hang of this single parenting gig. And by "the hang of it," I mean I only had one major breakdown last week (spent an entire day doing nothing) and I dyed my hair purple.
Yep.

I think of this quote often -

- because it's the closest description I can find to what my life feels like. Barely keeping my head above water. Survival mode so hard that I don't dare add a thing to this mess, in case that's the thing that takes everything else down with it.

All of that to say .... I'm alive, we're alive, and here's a little update for my non-Instagram peeps.

Slice is in Provo at DevMountain, a 12-week coding bootcamp, in school Monday through Friday. He has 4 weeks of class left. He's doing well and enjoying it, mostly. I'm in Roosevelt keeping our small humans alive. The days are long and the nights too short (except when they're long). I'm still teaching piano lessons and we're still doing some photography. When this bootcamp is over, we have no idea what we'll do.

The options seem to be multiplying - which isn't a bad thing, but it's hard. We think we'll have to move out of the Basin and leave it all behind. There's not exactly a huge tech scene between Roosevelt and Vernal.  But we have a house to sell (or not), and lots of questions/feelings/wonderings about what's best for our young family. Also lots of gratitude for everything that has gotten us to this point.

Thanks for sticking around here, whoever you are.