And they all go marching down

One time I ate ants for breakfast.

No wait, let me explain.

Back when I was a college student living off cereal, scrambled eggs and frozen burritos, my roommate had this huge ceramic mug from DI that I loved. It held more than my bowls did, so anytime I could I used it for cereal. And ice cream.

One morning I poured myself a mug of LIFE and sat down on our couch to eat it - without turning on any lights, of course. I was halfway through before I looked down and realized there were little black dots floating all over in my milk. Closer look: ANTS. LOTS of them. GROSS.

Further investigation proved that the ants were in the cereal, not the mug, so I threw away the cereal and poured the mug-contents down the sink. I still have no idea how (or why?) the ants got there. They didn't touch anything else in the apartment cupboards.

From then on, I always turned the lights on to eat my breakfast.

Well, this summer our house is infested with bugs. Ants mostly, but I've killed my fair share of spiders, centipedes, crickets and beetles, too. Just this morning I came across something large and black scuttling across the tile hall into the bathroom. Poor Liam jumped when I screamed, then cried as I tried to pick it up with the dustpan to throw it outside.

(I didn't want to touch it.)

(Or kill it, because it would have crunched and grossed me out even more.)

(But I ended up chopping it in half with the dustpan, so it is now dead anyway.)

So I'm learning some important things, like:

don't go to bed without cleaning and wiping down all kitchen counters,

don't leave dishes anywhere with anything sweet in them,

ants can move very large pieces of food (like almonds) across carpet,

if something itches it is most likely an ant crawling on my skin,

and also, ants really like shrimp.

Did you know that?

Well, now you do.