Will's 7th

Will,
I'm writing this much after the fact, but don't think I just forgot. Our lives have been unbelievably crazy in the last year. In August of last year, your dad left for DevMountain. You started 1st grade and, to be honest, it was a rough start. You didn't want to go to school, you cried often and never wanted to do homework. It was a hard transition and having Dad gone all during the week didn't help. Your teacher was very kind and understanding, and over time, you made some good friends and changed your attitude.
Dad finished bootcamp in November and god a job in March. It was far away, so he was gone again, and we had to move. We started packing up and preparing ourselves for the big change ahead of us. You weren't really sure what "moving" meant. Then AFTER we moved, we went back to Roosevelt to finish the last week of school and clean out the rest of the house.
After that, we drove to Cedar City and you stayed with Grandma and Grandpa Morgan for a few days while Mom and Dad went hiking to Havasupai. You had loads of fun, and when we were done, we all went to the Aquatic Center for your birthday adventure.
We haven't had much money to throw around for a while, but we've had lots of time together and lots of love. You are brave and strong and we love you for everything that you contribute to our family and lives. Excited to see what the next year brings!
Love,
Mom

Living in Limbo

For some reason, anytime I've taken a blogging hiatus I feel the need to explain myself (EMILY)  (KIANA), so, here's my explanation this time around: I've been in limbo.

Major limbo, like don't-know-what-the-next-month-holds limbo. Where-will-we-live. How-long-until-the-bank-account-hits-0. What-should-we-do-with-the-house. Which-possessions-do-we-sell-off-first. What-is-life-even-about limbo.

Sorry about all those hyphens, but I think you get the point?

And I've been through some stuff in my life, and now I know that the very worst thing in the world (for me) is NOT KNOWING. And not being able to plan anything because of the not knowing.

But this time, even after all these months and all these questions, I knew things were going to work out. I've felt almost like a spectator on the sidelines, waiting to see what happens in this game. I know we're going to win - so it hasn't even been a real nail-biter.  

Isn't that amazing???

Now, this is where we're at.

After a full year, countless applications, at least eight interviews, and many nights apart, Slice got himself two job offers in 24 hours. And we had to make a decision: stay or go? Stay in Roosevelt and keep this house, our cars, our side jobs, our security? Our entire lifestyle? Or go out on a limb?

We chose the limb.

George.

My dear, sweet George,

We've reached a year with you!! Your first birthday was as low-key a birthday as we've ever had in this family (partly because you're in a full leg cast) but you are as low-key as they come, so it was fitting. You've added a precious element of calm to our family, and I am so grateful for you and your sweet spirit. As I've told anyone who would understand, "I finally got a Type 2!"

Your dad and I have had many questions and varied reactions about your name over the last year, and since I haven't yet written it down, I thought I'd tell that story.

Long ago, when I got the ultrasound to tell us if you were a boy or a girl, I brought Will & Emma with me.  They sat in the chair and watched as the tech showed your different body parts, and finally we saw the one we were waiting for - "It's a BOY!"
Afterward in the car, we called Dad on speakerphone to tell him the news.
"What should we name him?" I asked.
"George!" said Will, without hesitation, and I laughed. It was a totally random thing for him to say. No one uses the name George anymore, I thought to myself, and I didn't plan on doing it either. I don't even know any Georges in real life. So, I logged that away.  We picked out a handful of other good names and waited for you to come.

Months later, you were born. Your birth was incredible! I felt in control through the entire labor, and once you arrived I was ecstatic. We called and texted family, even though it was late. Grandma & Grandpa Eddington came to see you right away; so did Grandma Morgan.

The next morning, congratulatory texts started coming in. "Anna and I both think he looks like a George," T.R. said.
"That's weird," your dad and I said.
Then Kiana came to the hospital to see you. "He looks like a George," she said.
"What the heck?!" your dad and I said.

Seemed like a pretty strong message.

But I didn't want to name you George! I looked up the Etymology of the name ... Farmer; Earthworker.  Not as romantic as I'd hoped. We kept going over the other names we had picked out, trying different combinations ... none of them really fit. You really did look like a George, and the more we said it, the more right it seemed. It still took us 2 days to give in. You were George. George Thomas Morgan.

It was really nice of you to tell us your name, and nice of you to come early and small and (relatively) easily. You've been nice to me your whole life, except for those few weeks of sleepless nights when we were never home last summer. I forgave you for those.

You love everyone, but especially your siblings and your Grandma Eddington. You love the car, and strawberries, and music, and nearly-hot bottles. You also love the bath and the toilet and banging any cupboard door you can find. We chase you around and you chase us right back. You are my sweetheart. I love you.

Mom

Lex turns 3

My Dear Lex,

You turned 3 today! It's been three whole years since you joined our family!

We had a princess tea party today with your friends at Grandma's. It wasn't your first choice (that would have been Angie's house with your "best friends" Dannica and Lydia), but it was great anyway. Your birthday presents are pretty indicative of the stage you're in - magnifying glass, bubbles, princesses, ponies and tea party sets - and you loved everything you got.

The last year has been hard on all of us, but probably you most of all. You became a big sister, stopped taking regular naps, and when Dad was gone for weeks at a time, your insecurities manifested themselves in the middle of the night. You spent many nights in my bed. You don't like to be left behind, by me or anyone else. You're old enough to play with Will & Emma now, and old enough to get your feelings hurt when they don't want to play with you. It's hard being the third wheel.

Still, you are the most delightful thing around. You're beautiful and smart and playful and loving and hilarious. Everything you say is funny. Especially "dee" instead of "the"... I'll be really sad when you stop saying that.  Every Sunday in Sacrament Meeting you choose someone to go sit with (usually Emma Forsyth, because she's your favorite) and everyone else is jealous. You are the best entertainment.

We love you so much, Lex. We can't imagine our lives without you. I can't wait to see what this year brings!
Love, Mom

Emma's 5th

Dear Emma,

It's your fifth birthday!  Five years since I first saw your beautiful face. That was such a the great day.

You've done so many fun things in the last year.  You started tumbling, broke your arm trying to do a tuck-jump, and bawled after the final tumbling performance when you didn't get to participate. It was devastating.  You also started reading, and you've picked it up really quickly. Grandma tells me you always have ALL the answers during preschool.

You are becoming my right hand! You've been so helpful with George since he was born. You love to feed him, hold him, play with him, and watch him in the bath for me. You even help change diapers with a little supervision.

This summer was full of fun - trips to Twin Falls, Cedar City, Aspen Grove, and Lehi - lots of time with Dad around. Fall was harder with Dad gone for 3 months. You were a trooper though, and rarely the problem child, when there were problems.

You've had lots of time with Lex in the time since Will started first grade, which has been both good and bad. Lots of time to play, lots of time to fight. You're learning how to push buttons and manipulate others into doing what you want ... oh joy!

You're as strong and feisty as ever.  You DON'T like to be wronged. You can handle yourself with other tricky kids, and we chuckle at your reactions when you get hurt by something. (It usually includes a grunt-scream and a "That's why we shouldn't __________!")

We love your freckles and the cute gap between your front teeth, your singing and dancing and art skills. You are turning into such a beautiful young lady!  We love you!

Love, Mom

the money

Per Slice's repeated requests I've compiled a post about our finances.  More specifically, the things we've done over the last few years to create financial peace in our marriage & home. We've learned a lot about finance and personal habits, human psychology, etc. as we've gone through this process. I'll tell you right up front that the most important thing is communication, communication.  I don't know why people are weird about talking money, but I wish it weren't so. I'd love to change it. Being open about money could eliminate SO many problems in relationships.
Without further ado....

1. The first thing we did was to pay off all our outstanding debt.  At the time, we had a car loan and some credit card balances. Slice was also changing jobs, so we took the retirement $$ he had saved from the previous job* and cashed it out. YES we had to pay taxes on it.  YES it was worth it to pay off every debt (aside from the mortgage).

2. Canceled our credit cards and resolved to pay cash in the future.

3. Refinanced our mortgage.  We were paying on a typical 30-year loan and wanted to put more of our income into the house. The loan rates were great: we refinanced to a 15-year fixed rate. Some people say to just make double payments or an extra payment a year on the 30-year, but I really like seeing that interest amount cut drastically. Just makes you feel better about where your money is going.

4. Emergency Fund. We took Dave Ramsey's advice and gradually stashed away 6 months' expenses. It took many months, especially as we sold & bought a house (draining our savings for a good-sized down payment) and then sold & bought a car. Actually we bought two cars, the second one cost almost $10k; we waited to buy until we could pay cash and still keep some in our fund.

5. Cars. I basically had to let my car pride go.  A car gets you from Point A to Point B, and everything beyond that is just a status symbol. AKA Pride.

6. Winning in the Margins, or "make money everywhere you can." Slice and I have added income via photography, firefighting, trading stock (true story!), music/golf lessons, painting, etc. We rented out our basement several times, to different people. Slice is always looking for ways to make money. I love that about him.

7. Budgeting. We are NOT the best budgeters, I'll say that right now. Basically all we ever did was sit down and say, "Where did our money go last month?"  But even that was better than nothing. We could at least see where it went and what we could do to make it work for US, rather than the other way around.

8. Cut the crap. Oh so much financial trouble could be avoided if we all quit buying things we DON'T NEED. Minimalism for the win! I've never been a product person or an "I need the latest trendy home decor and seasonal clothes" person, and I was raised on a lot of food storage. So, we buy things in bulk - case lot sales, Costco trips - we eat mostly at home, and we don't buy clothes unless we actually need them. I could probably save even more by frequenting yard sales and thrift stores, but I've never set aside the time for that.
In this same category I'd add DON'T watch those "product deal" websites. They may save you a little here and there but I guarantee you're spending more money over time just by following them. I don't even look at Amazon deals anymore, so I'm not tempted to buy things I don't need.

Those are the basics. I doubt anyone has questions or comments for me, but if you do, hit me up! I love talking about this stuff. Obviously.

*Side note: Retirement savings is great!! Put away as much as your company will match! We've cashed ours out twice (which is not the goal) and it has come in very handy.

since u been gone

Parenting solo has given me many opportunities for self-examination. Inventory, if you will. And in that spirit, I give you a list of things I am NOT good at.

Food things. All the food things, I truly hate them. Planning food, shopping for it, bringing it in, putting it away, pulling it out, cooking it, fighting with my children as they refuse to eat it, cleaning it up. If I could just do dishes and no other food stuff, I would be a happy mom.
This is why Slice does real cooking and we're not as well-fed with him gone.

Adulting. Most obnoxious, yet totally fitting, word for all the things I always procrastinate. Making appointments (and keeping them!), getting tires rotated, buying chicken food, replacing lightbulbs, calling babysitters. Calling anyone really. I get by surprisingly well without doing many things that I'm perfectly capable of. Maybe I have low-level anxiety? High-functioning depression? Maybe I'm lazy, or I'm a Type 2/4 who avoids forced interaction with people. Who knows.

Cleaning regularly. I have a printed cleaning schedule hanging in my kitchen that has not been followed ... at all. Since George is done nursing, I'll be better about my household duties, but it's hard to motivate myself when I know it'll be undone in a day. And no one but myself will even see my effort.

Doing anything regularly. (Except naps.) Slice and I have had this conversation about a million times.
Slice: "The kids need to do jobs every day. You shouldn't be doing everything."
Me: ".... but it's easier to just do it myself."
Slice: "And Will has to do his homework every day."
Me: ".... but homework is dumb."
Slice: "Wouldn't your life be easier with a schedule?!"
Me: .........

I'm doing pretty well with laundry though, I'll have you know.

The Drowning

It's been three months since my last post and I'm just now feeling like I'm getting the hang of this single parenting gig. And by "the hang of it," I mean I only had one major breakdown last week (spent an entire day doing nothing) and I dyed my hair purple.
Yep.

I think of this quote often -

- because it's the closest description I can find to what my life feels like. Barely keeping my head above water. Survival mode so hard that I don't dare add a thing to this mess, in case that's the thing that takes everything else down with it.

All of that to say .... I'm alive, we're alive, and here's a little update for my non-Instagram peeps.

Slice is in Provo at DevMountain, a 12-week coding bootcamp, in school Monday through Friday. He has 4 weeks of class left. He's doing well and enjoying it, mostly. I'm in Roosevelt keeping our small humans alive. The days are long and the nights too short (except when they're long). I'm still teaching piano lessons and we're still doing some photography. When this bootcamp is over, we have no idea what we'll do.

The options seem to be multiplying - which isn't a bad thing, but it's hard. We think we'll have to move out of the Basin and leave it all behind. There's not exactly a huge tech scene between Roosevelt and Vernal.  But we have a house to sell (or not), and lots of questions/feelings/wonderings about what's best for our young family. Also lots of gratitude for everything that has gotten us to this point.

Thanks for sticking around here, whoever you are.

just a late-night rant.

I think I'm finally feeling the panic/weariness/despair that I should have felt four months ago.

Slice is working on a project in Cedar City for a couple weeks, so I'm a single mother to FOUR CHILDREN who are home ALL DAY EVERY DAY thank you summertime. None of them are old enough to be any real help to me, so I basically spend every waking minute feeding, cleaning up after them, or silencing their cries. Forget those planned trips to the library!

In my lower moments I find myself thinking things like, "No one understands! No one else has had four kids in six years, a Type 1 husband and judgmental Type 4 in-laws, adrenal fatigue from an autoimmune disorder, neighbor kids who want to live at their house, plus a yard that grows only weeds, plus [insert nightmare here]!" (Notice I didn't mention Unemployment, that's barely on my stress radar at this point.)

I know that's ridiculous though. Other people have gone through this before, just maybe they didn't see perfect photos of sparkling playrooms and happy children on Instagram all the time. Freaking Internet.

So I'll put myself to bed, and maybe wake up at 3:00 and 6:00 to feed George, and probably force myself out of bed to make breakfast by 8:00. I'll be grateful for my blessings -- not least of which that I've been spared all of this for as long as I have -- because come August 15th, things will be getting much harder.

DUN DUN DUN.

Six years of motherhood!

My Dear Will,

It's summer, and that means your birthday!  You were confused this year because you knew that "summer" means "school's out," and you got out on May 27th, but your birthday wasn't 'til the next week. We had a few days of arguing over that.

You LOVED going to school this year!You would drop anything if I told you it was time to get ready for school. Your teacher gave out awards to each student at the end of the year, and you got the Snickers Award. Mrs. Guymon said you always had a smile or a snicker - that didn't surprise me at all. You liked everything about school: carpool, field trips, recess, friends, art, music. One day your dad came to talk to the class about being a firefighter, and that was the coolest thing ever.

You are growing like a weed. Truly. We gave you new (Star Wars) pajamas and shoes for Christmas, and they're already too small for you. It startles me sometimes to see how tall you are getting. You're also getting to be a pretty good reader. You improved leaps and bounds over the school year, and now you love to read us the back of the cereal box or the advertisement on the side of the computer screen. We love to listen to you!

The things you love most these days are Legos and Star Wars, and older boys to play with. You've mostly grown out of the Rescue Bots phase, which makes me a little sad. But you do play nicely with Emma, and you've learned how to compromise. We had such a fun trip to Disneyland in Novermber. You still talk about it all the time.

Lots of big things have happened over the last year! You learned to ride a 2-wheeler, you went ice fishing with Uncle Russ, you got your own room for a while, and then you got a baby brother who now shares your room. He adores you (the feeling is mutual). You've been helpful and happy with George, and we just have the perfect little family with 2 boys and 2 girls. We have been so blessed.

You had a hard time adjusting to Dad being home all the time after he lost his job. You didn't like having two adults bossing you around all the time. It's better now, and we've all had more fun with Dad, since you get to run errands and go golfing with him. We're going to miss him when he's gone for three months this fall. After that, who knows what will happen?!

We love you so much Will and can't imagine life without you!

Love,
Mom